Episode 53: The Secret Ingredient You Need to Make Habits Finally Stick

There’s a secret ingredient behind every lasting habit—and it’s probably not what you think. In this episode, we explore how your identity shapes your behavior and why aligning your actions with who you want to be makes change feel easier and more sustainable. If you’re ready to make real, lasting change, this one’s for you.

Summary

When it comes to making habits stick, most people focus on what they want to achieve—like losing weight or exercising more. But what if the real key to lasting change isn’t about willpower or goals? What if it’s about who you are?

In this episode of The Compassionate Wellness Podcast, we dive deep into the role of identity in behavior change. Here’s what you need to know if you can’t tune in right now:

What is Identity, and Why Does it Matter?

Your identity is the story you tell yourself about who you are. It shapes your habits because behaviors are expressions of identity. For example:

If you see yourself as an "outdoorsy person," you're likely to make time for hiking or gardening.
If you identify as "health-conscious," your choices may naturally lean toward nutritious foods or regular movement.

Shifting from outcome-based goals (e.g., "I want to lose 10 pounds") to identity-based goals (e.g., "I am someone who nourishes my body") makes your habits more authentic and sustainable. Instead of relying on willpower, you align your actions with the person you want to become.

Think of identity like the roots of a tree: your habits and actions—the visible branches—thrive only when rooted in a strong, authentic sense of self.

Why Shifting Identity Can Be Challenging

Changing how you see yourself isn’t always easy. Your current identity is often deeply ingrained, built over years of repeating the same stories about who you are. Letting go of those stories can feel uncomfortable—but that discomfort is where growth happens.

This discomfort is known as cognitive dissonance—the tension you feel when your actions don’t align with your current identity. For example:

If you’ve always thought of yourself as "not athletic," trying to start a fitness routine might feel out of place.

Here’s the silver lining: that tension can actually motivate you. Acting in alignment with your desired identity—even in small ways—reinforces the shift. Over time, these small wins create a stronger connection to your new identity.

Practical Steps to Leverage Identity for Lasting Change

So, how do you use your identity to create habits that stick? Here are five practical steps:

Start Small. Begin with one small habit that aligns with the identity you want to embrace. For example, drink a glass of water in the morning to affirm that you’re someone who prioritizes health.
Affirm Your Identity. Pay attention to your self-talk. Instead of saying, “I want to eat healthier,” try, “I am someone who makes mindful choices about food.”
Visualize Success. Take a moment each day to imagine yourself as the person you want to become. What does their day look like? How do they act and feel?
Celebrate Small Wins. Every time you act in alignment with your desired identity, acknowledge it! This builds confidence and reinforces your new story.
Find Your People. Surround yourself with people who reflect the identity you’re stepping into. A supportive community helps you stay motivated and inspired.

Reflect on Your Current Identity

Take a moment to think about your own identity.

Who do you believe you are right now?
What identity do you want to embody?
What small actions can you take today to affirm that identity?

Change doesn’t happen overnight, but small, consistent choices shape who you become. The more you repeat behaviors that align with your desired identity, the stronger that identity grows.

Key Takeaway

The key to making habits stick isn’t just about what you do—it’s about who you’re becoming. When your actions align with your identity, change feels less like a battle and more like a natural evolution.